The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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The Pregnant Thief UPDATE

Posted by thedarwinexception on October 29, 2006

So, the pregnant thief is due to spawn this Wednesday. Well, not “due” in the
usual, pregnant sense, she’s actually going in to have the baby on Wednesday. I
asked John how she knew that it would actually be this Wednesday, and he said
“planned C Section”, which actually is to be expected. In keeping with the
Malone tradition of “we don’t work”, women here don’t even go into LABOR when
giving birth. They take their aversions seriously, I guess.

But, sadly, her nickname, as apt as it is, and as fond of it as I am, will
have to be changed – or at least updated. No longer will I be able to call her
“The Pregnant Thief”. So, I am turning to all of you for help. Below is a list
of suggested new monikers for “The Pregnant Thief”, leave a comment to vote for
your favorite, or to suggest something even better.


Between-pregnancies thief

Spawning Shoplifter
Shoplifting Spermcatcher
Shoplifting Slut
Breeding Bandit
Reproducing Reprobate
Horizontal Hustler
Easy-Bake-Oven Thief
Kleptocunt
Clap-flap Klepto

The Mother Thief

The Thief Mother

The Motherthiever

 

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6 Responses to “The Pregnant Thief UPDATE”

  1. John said

    “Shoplifting Spermcatcher” gets my vote, FWIW.

    I get the distinct feeling that this blog is going to get very, very interesting once she gets her demon spawn back home and tries to, y’know, mother it and stuff. Do keep us posted!

  2. Oh I can’t wait for the inevitable train wreck that a new baby will cause. Especially since the kid she has is such an out of control heathen.

    Although strollers do make for excellent shoplifting accessories.

    I’m betting the kid’s first words will be “Excuse me ma’am, we are going to need to check your bag.”

  3. Hank Gillette said

    You could go with the Ex-Pregnant Thief, or The Formerly Pregnant Thief, but the Shoplifting Slut has a certain ring to it, and it is certainly descriptive, base on what you’ve written.

  4. Estron said

    My girlfriend likes “Shoplifting Slut,” but the one that made me laugh hardest was “Easy-Bake Oven Thief.”

    After hearing the whole blog entry, my girlfriend’s response was “She doesn’t pull any punches, does she?”

  5. You could take a cue from MTV and call her Thief: Unplugged. Though I doubt it will take her long to get plugged again.

  6. Lisa Ann said

    I have to vote for Shoplifting Slut. Although I’ll miss Pregnant Thief as a handle…

    LA

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