The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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The Dead Lady Next Door

Posted by thedarwinexception on October 24, 2006

I really thought I had a dead lady next door. .The house was empty for some time, with a for sale sign on it. It finally sold, supposedly to someone “from the city”.It sat empty for several months after it sold, until one day a lady comes walking down the street with 2 garbage bags in her hands. She goes to the house, opens the door and walks in.We don’t see her for several days.Then the woman next door walks up the street, sans garbage bags, and we see her
several hours later getting out of a taxi with several boxes. She takes them in
the house and we don’t see her for several days. My husband thinks she may just
be some homeless person who noticed an empty house, and he asks the old lady
across the street “What’s up with this lady?”
The old lady across the street says the woman had asked her the day before
‘Where is the dump? I need to go to the dump”. The lady across the street had
told her it was way across town and she couldn’t walk there. The lady across the
street said the woman sounded “foreign”, and that she gave the impression she
was “hiding”. I don’t know why the old lady got that impression, but she said
she did.

Next sighting of the lady next door was a week later when she was out on her
lawn cutting it with a pair of scissors. She did a fair patch in front of
the door before stopping.

There were hardly ever any lights on in the house, the lady across the street said she saw a light one time in the living room, and never saw them on again, even at night, and the lady next door never brought in more than the two garbage bags and the boxes she brought via the cab. I never saw her bring any groceries in, and although she put some makeshift curtains up in a few of the windows, although they do sag in the middle. I never saw any furniture moved
in.

We didn’t notice her leave again. But no one had seen any signs of her for two months. The old lady across the street was asking me if I had seen her at all, and I said “Nope, not since she was scissoring the lawn.” The mailman said that she had asked for her mail to go to the post office, but she hadn’t been around to retrieve it in at least 6 weeks. And the mailman said “She’s got some bills piling up there.”

It seemed odd to me that the little patch of grass she had scissored down was
now growing wild again – why go to all that trouble if you don’t plan on
being there? And why have your mail held at the post office if you don’t go and
get it? If she is safely somewhere else, why not forward it? And she
must have had the lights turned on, but if she hasn’t picked the bill up in 2
months – aren’t they going to get shut off? The windows are full of that
“condensation” that builds up when it’s cold, that stuff is going to freeze
soon.

Since she has to walk past the side of my house to get in or leave, the dogs
always bark whenever anyone comes and goes down that driveway. That’s how I was
always alerted to her comings and goings. The dogs haven’t barked over there for
quite a while, so I know she’s not just slipping past when I’m not seeing her.

I truly thought she was dead in there. I hate being a “nosy neighbor”, and
really I don’t give a rat’s ass if she’s dead or anything, it’s just that I
prefer not to have a dead lady next door to my house, what with Halloween coming
and all. That just seems creepy.
 

So, I bite the bullet and call the cops.

There is no dead lady.Malone’s finest came out and took a look around. They looked around the house, and I mean *all* around the house, tried both doors to see if they were unlocked, and finally took the screen off the window and the (taller) cop crawled in the window. I don’t know why, but for a moment I lost my head and volunteered to go in the window for them, using the obvious fact that I was smaller than either of them. Then I was  reminded that I probably *didn’t* want to go in the window and find the dead lady. So I quickly rescinded my offer.The taller cop went in the window, and came to the front door to the let the shorter cop in. Somewhere between the window and the door he also flipped on the outside light.When he got to the front door he said to the shorter cop, “Looks like an
abandoned house.” I said “But abandoned houses don’t have *curtains*!” and the
shorter cop said “Or electricity!” and the taller cop said “How do you know
there’s electricity?” and the shorter cop said “Because you flipped on the
light”. Hey, these are *Malone* cops.
The creepiest, oddest weirdest thing was when the taller cop came around the
side of the house to inform the shorter cop that the curtains were hung with
*vines*!  And the vines grew for a while, covering the windows, then died,
leaving just dead leaves covering the windows. It’s very creepy
looking.
But, anyway, there is no dead lady. They checked all over the house, they even went down the outside bulkhead thing to check the basement. No dead lady. They did agree with me that the whole situation was rather odd – especially the vine thing – they *really* thought that was weird. I apologized for being the crazy nosey neighbor, thanked them for checking and they left.

So now there is a new mystery. Where is the formerly dead lady next door? And
how did she hang the curtains with vines. And why?

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