It’s been a while since we’ve had an installment of “Stupidity in the News”, hasn’t it? And I have about a gig in hard drive space devoted to all the clippings people have sent me.

But you only get to look at this page if you leave a comment telling me what kind of digital camera you have, how many mega pixels it is and if it takes halfway decent pictures in low light. That’s the admission price for the day. If you can LINK to a picture you’ve taken in low light – hey you get to read this page TWICE!!!

I’m really sick of looking at camera specs, searching for “the best deal” and comparing shopping costs. I need real life recommendations.

So…..leave a comment and read away…..

OK – so what happened to bunnies and chick for Easter? Do people not do that anymore? Is it tarantulas now?

Hmmmmm……I wonder why that is? Maybe I should ask in AFCA – the people there are really smart and could probably figure this puzzler out.

Now you would have thought the sunblock and bikini would have been a clue!

I don’t think that’s what they call it on “Top Chef”.

You know, this has GOT to be targeted at newlyweds, because there’s no way anyone who has been married for ANY length of time would even consider buying this.

How bad *IS* the economy??

Well, you know…..

I wonder if the blonde’s name is Button?

ewwwwwwwww…..

I’ll have to bring this up in AFCA, too….

This doesn’t say a lot for home schooling

Is this the best name ever for an escort service or worse name ever?

…..so if you see this guy

….and my favorite, just because I would SOOOOO love to go to this church.

Breaking News: The Duggars have brought forth their 18th child. 18th? Yes, 18th. You know what I wonder? I wonder how big their Child Credit is on their tax return. If they get $3,400 per kid, there’s your National Deficit right there – blame that shit on the Duggars and their refund. Little Jordyn-Grace Duggar was “early”. Yeah, ya think? I mean, I’d imagine by now the kids *are* just kind of slipping out of there. 

But, I’d love to know what you all think. I mean, is 18 kids really a good thing? Do you think these kids are getting *any* kind of attention from their parents? I mean, how can Mr. and Mrs. “”We love to fuck” Duggar even remember half these kids names? There weren’t 18 kids in *our* family and I was *still* Patty,Bee,Kimberly…:” And how the hell do you shop for Christmas presents when you have 18 kids? They must like just buy “group” presents – “here’s a dollhouse for *all* the girls!” And you know *that* shit sucks for the kids, right? Who wants a fucking *group* present? And do you think these kids have ever worn something that wasn’t worn by someone else first?

I think they’re stupid. And I know, they’ve got the “religion” and they believe that “every child is a gift from God.” Yeah, maybe. But you know how I look at it? I look at it like “The pill is a gift from God, too.” If you think God is all knowing and all seeing, why the hell would he allow us the technology to create the birth control pill if he didn’t want us to use it?

I just hope I live long enough to see their kids grow up. You know they are upping their odds of having a gay kid, a punk rocker and an atheist with every birth.

In honor of little Jordyn-Grace Duggar, AKA “Hey June,Jinger,Jennifer,Jordyn….” Here’s some more stupidity in the news

“Mommy! Please don’t make me go hunting with Grandpa!!”

First that Governor in Illinois, now this!

Sooner or later journalists are going to have to learn his name.

Only licked once!

My Goodness, you just can’t trust anyone anymore, can you?

Well, that can’t be the snake, can it?

That’s a really bad fucking day.

This is when you know the economy is *really* in the crapper.

You know, take the money they spent on this scientific study and give it to those people who have to live in the dog house.

Do you wonder what the “boy’s gift” was? Because I do.

I’m waiting for the 2 week program that lets you quit smoking in one day.

Who the hell are THESE people having over for Christmas?

For $100 I’ll help them figure this out.

Okay, I REALLY want to know what this guy won. 

Well, there’s a house for the Duggars. 

Tough one. 

Now we know what Cousin It is up to in his old age. 

I ADORE Before & After ads that assume their readers are morons. This is one of the better ones. 

And my favorite, because it’s so fucking funny. I love the soon to be ex husband.

So, not much going on around here besides my long days watching the Simpson trial and knitting. I’m still working on Gail’s stupid Devan sweater. I hate this thing – it’s like knitting with thread and toothpicks. I work and work and work on it, measure what I’ve done and I’ve gotten a whole nother inch complete.  Frustrating.

Val is due any minute and I’m so excited. I have a bunch of stuff done for her. Hopefully she’ll bring the baby by when it’s born (I’m sure she will at some point.)

My birthday is in less than a month – so start shopping for that, if you haven’t already (I know you have, right??)

And since OJ is in the news, I guess it’s only fair to look at some other Stupidity in the News.

You know, who would have seen that coming?

This is the kind of hard hitting investigations we really need in this country. 

If you see this man, please call your local law enforcement agency immediately. (There’s a reward, too!)

You know, we never did fun shit like that when I was in school. 

Yes, can I have the one with the two pee stains, please?

NO thanks, I get this demonstration most days for free. 

I love to see a boy so close to his mom. 

I wonder if that’s supposed to mean no smiling PETS. Because that would be kind of creepy. 

I though it said in the Constitution we had the right to arm bears. 

I guess towards the end of the year the picking’s get slim.

Yeah, back in WWII – when Japan was owned by Mexico. 

Yeah, people, it’s not Rocket Surgery – or anything else that’s really difficult, like mixing metaphors. 

I like headlines that answer their own questions. 

no thanks on the soup – it’s a little heavy for me. 

I don’t even understand this – I mean, whose genital did Dad reach for? 

Wow – that’s a slick fucking skill, that is. I’d pay money to see that. 

Confirming research done by teenage boys the world over.

….and my favorite, just because it’s so stupid.

Sp Paul is doing MUCH better – he actually got up, walked around and we took a walk down the street today to the “scene of the accident”. Which was QUITE scary. The area that Paul had to be contorted into to fit in would seem, to the causal observer, to not even be big enough for Milo to fit in. Un-freaking-real.

I have learned something though, from all of this. The groceries last much longer when Paul can’t get downstairs to get into them.

I was going to take some film footage of the scene of the accident, but it was raining (AGAIN). I still might go back up there tomorrow and take some footage, just so you all can see it. what do you think? Wanna see it? I asked Paul if he would be willing to crawl back in so I can kind of recreate it, but he wasn’t really keen on that idea. I think his exact words were “Fuck you.”

So, I have a bunch of stupidity in the news things piling up here – I haven’t posted any in a while, and in an effort to clear out my inbox somewhat, let’s take a look at some. Just so we know that having a house fall on you isn’t the *stupidest* thing that can happen.

Did Gandhi drink? Did he even eat?

That ought to spice things up!

I guess I’m out. Unless they are only looking for graves of your dead patients.

Well you KNOW that fucking clinches it.

Ok, seriously, who wants to date this fucking nutjob? I don’t know which is more disturbing – that he chases squirrels, that he names them or that he “loves his mommy”.

Way to go ladies!

Want ham? Get the bologna salad.

Now what were the auctions like in the past – that they had to put in this kind of disclaimer?

If you build a moose club, they will come…..

I knew my sheep slaughtering skills would come in handy.

God, I REALLY want to know how many people made it with the cement.

I wonder if you have to actually show them your ass to get the right color?

That’s a deal, that is.

Well thank God he had that fucking ladder!

and my favorite, just because I think it’s fucking funny. Who knew felons were so well versed in logic?

 It’s April Fools Day! Don’t let anyone fool you!

So – no fooling – I got tired of the dishcloth and needed something soft and warm to work on, so I started a sweater for Katie’s baby. She found out she is having a boy. Katie is the teenage girl I really like who got herself knocked up. Such a shame.

But, she’s having a boy – so I started a little boy sweater. Which is a real big change for me – I never knit boys stuff. So, it’s kind of fun.

So I shall knit all day, since my “Works in Progress” list is getting rather large.

In the meantime, let’s look at some “Fools in the News”.

I’d hire her.

Now this woman is a fool. I’m not even sure how she managed that.

Fools. I’ll bet they complain that the desert is too dry, too.

Well, that’s not fair – everybody kind of knows he’s a fool.

OK – now correct me if I’m wrong – but do the Amish even *have* entertainment centers? And aren’t their entertainment centers more like butter churns?

If you buy this – you are a fool. That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

Which is weirder – that people send their vibrators in for maintenance – or that someone has a job with the title “Chief Vibrator Mechanic”?

Why would anyone do this to their cat? Do cats meow so loud you need to muzzle them?

If you are size 304 and someone has asked you to the prom – someone is playing a joke on you. And I don’t care if you *do* have a “pretty face”.

Lysol for “feminine hygiene”? So how did *that* work?
 

No wonder more men are getting manicures.
 

There’s some things I just don’t think we really need experts to put forth an opinion on.

Well, that *would* be entertaining.

well, I have a few questions……

Are we neutering the homeless???

Thank you for clearing that up..,..

If you believe that – you’re a fool

You gotta feel bad for police – you just do.

and my favorite – for obvious reasons. Fools.

 Today is my Mother’s birthday. (Happy Birthday!). She’s a psychopath. No, seriously, she is. I’m thinking she’s what? 68 today. Too funny, since I just saw Tina Turner on the Grammy’s singing and dancing with Beyonce and they said Tina Turner was 68. My mom looks nothing like Tina Turner. But I’m betting Tina Turner can’t bake and cook like my Mom – so, there you go.

I finally got around to making the appointment for the stress test – I made the appointment yesterday and they scheduled me for Friday. Which I think is the *real* stress test – they schedule it 3 or 4 days down the road and then see if you die of stress worrying about having the stress test. It’s fucking working, too. I’m more worried about this thing than I ever was about giving birth when they scheduled my c-sections in advance. And someone in AFCA said that I’ll get another IV. So now I’m stressing out about that, too, because my arms are already all fucking black and blue from the last three IV”s they stuck in me.

I’m thinking I should take my camcorder with me and tape the whole thing. You know, in case I do have a heart attack and keel over there will be a record of what the bastards did to me. Just my luck I’ll get those nurses in training running the fucking test and you never know what they might do.

Then next Thursday I get to go to a real doctor in Burlington. I called my own doctor and he set me up with a cardiologist that he knows and recommends. So that will be fun. Probably have to do every test they did here all over again. You know how that goes.

So – in honor of my Mom’s birthday – here’s some stupid products in the news. Pick one or more of these up for your next Birthday or for your sweetie for Valentine’s day.

.

First off, take your mom out to dinner – and remember, nothing says “delicious Dining” like a hot dog and chips.

I don’t know – if they want to market it as “a great holiday gift” – they should have named it something else.

If you need to make sure that your toilet seat is fire retardant – maybe you need to change your diet – maybe too much “delicious dining” on hot dogs!

For that redneck handyman in your life….

Mom has been single a while – but how creepy would it be to give her this?? I don’t care how good it feels as a “gift idea”.

Life is full of hard choices

Yeah, because nothing says “I love You” like a box of chocolates and colon hydrotherapy.

Wasn’t that an 80’s hair band?

Check your labels – you never know where stuff comes from – and sometimes, neither does anyone else.

You know, I’m just not thinking that’s going to be a good look on anybody.

Well, it *is* unique – how many of your towels and t shirts are mammogramed?

Yeah, how fucking stupid is this?

When Albertson’s gets a 10 inch love pole – hey, I’m there.

…and my favorite, because really, well, this is just fun for the whole family.

 OK – so it’s time to laugh until your blood pressure rises – here’s another installment of “Stupidity in the News”.

…and good for you! That’s what I say! Aim High!

you’ve been warned.

well, either my math is off or this isn’t *really* a 72 hour sale.

Now see, this is the kind of shit I’m talking about. If I ever saw a kid with one of these stuck in his mouth I’d slap the mother right up side the head. What the fuck??

OK – anyone that knows me knows I suck at geography, but that’s not the US, is it?

not that there’s anything wrong with that….

for the love of God.

Can’t you hear that conversation with her friends??

Yeah, wait and see what you get next year, buddy.

See?? My geography really does suck – I didn’t even know Alaska was in the Caribbean.

I have been thinking about that new ear.

ummm…..goats lie.

another reason to go out right now and get insurance.

HA! I only need to bake them for about 3 minutes!!

and my favorite – just because it’s so fucking horrible.

 Yeah, I know, no video. I’m having a problem transferring it. I can watch it, but when I go to import it, it gives me an error message. I have a different program ordered – you’ll get the video – somehow.

And it’s just the one disc, too. I took some video on the old disc and then a different disc, and they transferred fine. So, since I can watch the New Year’s Eve video, I’m going to just copy it over and import it a different way.

Oh – and have you ever gotten something unsolicited in the mail and you don’t know what the fuck it is?? I did. I got this Japanese thing for game boys (I think) Nintendo DS (I think). But the box is all in Japanese and I don’t know what the hell it is. Not that I have either a Game Boy or a Nintendo DS. But I really want to know what this is – and if it’s expensive.

I’m going to mail it to my friend Lesmond – her kid has one or the other of these things and she has assured me that they will figure out what it is.

But if you read Japanese or know what this thing is – let me know.

In the meantime, it’s a new year, and time for new stupidity in the news.

You know – that’s a real sign of love. Not that I’m going to be finding Paul’s enlarged prostate any time in the near future.

Yeah, Dad looks fucking thrilled, doesn’t he?

this is why I’m still anemic – I had to stop taking my iron pills.

Well, with no sex and drugs, what do you expect?

Yeah, like being in the country illegally……

They grow up so fast these days…..

OK – is there anyone here from Ohio – and are you all really that dumb?

Well, I have a couple of English friends who might be interested – but I don’t know what this person calls “old”.

Yeah, sure he did…..

I’ll bet they have a bunch of these pictures

Congratulations!!!

…and my favorite. Because this is the funniest fucking thing I’ve seen in a long time.

 I talked to Santa today – the real Santa. Told him what I wanted for Christmas. Have you talked to Santa yet and told him what you wanted? Well, if you haven’t, and you would like to (and you have free long distance) you can call (813) 273-8160 and tell him yourself. But don’t be greedy!

And when you stop chuckling over that – come back here and take a peek at more stupidity in the news.

Yeah, that sounds easy to find…

Well, I guess the tomato sauce helps out the porcupine

Well he’s never going to come back now! How could he face all the other search and rescue dogs?

I didn’t even know cows were in gangs.

Damn! How big was she?

Maybe now isn’t the time…

Well that’s really going out on a limb…

This guy still had his Christmas lights out in March?? I’m thinking the fucking neighbors smashed them.

Well, it was one of his two favorite arms

Well, I’d hope that they would be in fine shape – but I’m still trying to figure out the 20 categories.

Yeah, because the killing of innocent people didn’t do it…

I guess the vampires are for the night games.

Get yourself a professional beheader, too, if you’re going that route.

And my favorite…OK, I know it’s mean, but it made me laugh.

 Is there something I am missing on the net? Some phenomenon or jargon or new “thing”? Why is it that when I look through my page stats and stats for the blog that I get a listing of “People searched on this term to find your page” and I get hundreds of hits for the term “kfc”? Are that many people *really* looking for chicken? What’s up with this?

Second biggest search term that I don’t understand? “hoo”. What the hell is a “hoo” and why are people looking for hoo’s? Is this just a case of a bunch of illiterate people looking for The Grinch or Horton?

Anyway, here are some other stupid people and things in the news that I don’t understand.

Maybe it’s me, but I would go to this doctor – just so I could go in to his office and say “I have a Tickel in my throat.”

I’m thinking this is one of those cases where the cure is worse than the disease.

What a fucking idiot. I wonder if the guy threw water on the firemen as they came in the house “Dude! You’re on fire! Look! You are all smoky!”"

Limb to limb resuscitation was unsuccessful

10 to 1 the cop was laughing too hard to give her a ticket.

Well, to be fair, I’d like to know this, too.

OK – this one isn’t Bush’s fault…

Mommy, why are they executing Santa?

I’m thinking you’d have to pay me more than $10 an hour to massage you & do your clerical work.

OK – who is going to explain cardio dick boxing to me?

Maybe this is the guy who asked the police first how to kill someone.

Who says all American kids are overweight and out of shape?

Sometimes I think the police just make up charges.

Really? Do you really think that Santa wishes for a knife for Christmas?

And my favorite, just because I laughed so fucking hard when I read it that Diet Coke went into my nose  – and that shit burns by the way.